Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow and Inappropriate Peeing

In full disclosure, winter does not bother me. I always run warm, I am a knitter who loves to knit in wool and winter lends itself beautifully to both of these. The snow we were predicted to get last night came this morning and through the day. Being the adventurous (and cheap) soul, I take public transportation and to get there is about a half mile hike. I should also disclose that I am 52 and Fluffy. Combine that with deep snow drifts, covering ice patches and well, let's just say, I was a vision on my way to work this morning.

After battling the elements, I then have to climb Mt. Everest aka the temporary mountain of steps to the rapid platform because the station is under construction. Oh yes, they are metal steps -- nice icy metal steps. I get my old self up and across and down those steps by repeating the mantra "thighs butt thighs butt" in the delusion that when I finally reach the platform I will miraculously have become a size 1 -- hey, it gets me up the steps and that's what counts. Fortunately, the agony of my muscles and my lungs prevents me from being disappointed that I am still fat and out of shape when I reach the platform.

Of course, I must repeat this to get home and remember -- it snowed all day. Yeah, another vision of loveliness, slogging through drifts, muttering and swearing. Hey, I have four dogs, my neighbors already know I'm nuts, so I feel no need to put up a facade of normality. They have dealt with it all these years and why change now? Oh wait, I forgot to add that there was also big blustery winds whipping the snow about and blasting me in the face -- hence the muttering and swearing reaching an abnormally high pitch. Thighs butt, thigh, butt, -- keep repeating, keep walking, swear a lot, repeat.

Finally I'm home where it is a toasty 56 degrees (yes, the furnace and I are still fighting and no, I have not called a repair person because that would just be too damn logical and take all the adventure out of the experience.) Joyously awaiting my arrival are the pups. Dancing, squealing, jumping -- it is always a glorious welcome and one that makes me walk a little faster to get here.

But, after the joy comes the potty time IN THE SNOW that has been falling ALL DAY and OH MY GOD MOM IT IS OVER OUR HEADS and how could you expect us to make yellow snow when we are FREEZING AND GETTING SNOW COVERED AND YOU SUCK AS A MOM!!! Myoki led the prison break by banging against the gate and squealing at the top of his lungs. The rest of the gang thought this was a most excellent idea and joined him. My favorite part -- Myoki was soooooooo upset he pooped while squealing. He then turned around and looked completely surprised like "wow, where did that come from?"

They all burst through the gate and ran to the door -- banging on the door to be let in RIGHT NOW OR WE WILL DIE!!!! They would have been pissed, except it was dinner time and I am the only one with opposable thumbs. Yeah, makes me very popular twice a day. Just to be certain, Myoki was still angry and so once he had finished his dinner, he looked me in the eye, cocked his leg and peed in his food bowl. My disbelief paralyzed me long enough for Bodhi to think this was a fabulous idea and peed in Myoki's bowl too.

I've washed the food bowls, taken a couple of Advil to kill the throbbing in my knee, thighs, hip and back and now, I'm going to have some wine for dinner because I deserve it.

Happy Hump Day!

1 comment:

  1. K, I am not thinking fun for you, but am laughing my butt off at your descriptions of it all. Your blog is a hoot!

    And your Myoki sounds so much like my Paisley. Now I know what your in